Max´s new flaming Shorts Max woke up with a wonderful smile on his face. He walked out to the kitchen and he put his flaming red, yellow, orange and white hot shorts in his school bag. He could not wait to show his friends. Suddenly he was so excited he ran out the door as fast as a racecar. On his way out Mum said, “Don't lose your shorts like you lost your T-Shirt last year.” Max said, “Don`t worry.” Then it was swimming time he rushed to the pool. His togs dropped out of his bag because he ran so fast that he bumped into Elli. “OUCH!?” said Elli. “Watch where you're going.” Max said, “Sorry.” When it was time to get changed he opened his bag with a smile on his face but then he suddenly realised his new flaming hot shorts weren't in his bag. His smile went upside down to a worried frown He walked outside the boys changing room and told the teacher that he lost his new flaming hot shorts.¨I can't find them anywhere,¨ he cried. His shoulders dropped. Tears were coming out of his eyes. He was just looking at the ground.
Kia ora Aria, Matua Jacob here! What a cool piece of writing! I really love how you have used a simile to show how fast he was running! It helps create a picture in the readers mind of not only how fast he ran but how excited he was. One tip I can give is that when we have a new speaker we put their speech on a second line. This helps direct the reader to know who is talking and when. Keep up the great writing I look forward to reading some more of your awesome stories!
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